Cruelty Read online

  I closed my eyes, gathering my wits, then nodded. “One chance to explain. That’s all you get.”

  The brothers gave me matching brilliant smiles while I made a beeline for the kitchen, wanting to get some coffee prepared for the night that was bound to a long one. I made sure to splash a bit of whiskey in mine. I had a feeling I was going to need it to make it through this conversation.

  I fixed them cups as well—sans the whiskey—remembering that Luca liked a bit of coffee with his sugar and cream and Rollins liked it black with one scoop of sugar. I set their cups down in front of them on the coffee table and seated myself on the loveseat across from them. Distance from them was my only ally. If this went south, I could make a run for it. Besides that, I wouldn’t be distracted by any possible touching. I knew how these guys worked. Them touching me would be my downfall.

  “So… I guess you should start.” I took a large gulp of my coffee, feeling the burn of the hidden whiskey hit the back of my throat. Here goes nothing…

  They once again did that thing where they looked at each other, seemingly trying to figure out where to begin. When Rollins finally opened his mouth, the bomb that came rolling out almost knocked me back.

  “We never wanted to end things with you. It was never our intention.”

  My mouth opened and closed as I tried to form words. What were words?

  “Okaaay?” was what ended up coming out.

  “Okay?” Luca asked.

  “Yeah. Okay. So… why did you then?” I thought this talk was going to clear things up. Not make me more confused. I took another large gulp of my coffee.

  “It wasn’t our choice,” Luca replied, not clarifying much of anything. “In fact, we had every intention of dragging your ass with us when we got the hell out. We were already looking at three bedroom apartments near the campus.”

  My mind was pretty much blown. They were going to take me with them? This only sparked more confusion, and not surprisingly, anger.

  I slammed my mug down on the coffee table and sprang up from my seat, barely towering over the men even in their seated positions. I was sure I didn’t look intimidating, but I sure as hell made sure I sounded it.

  “Then why? Why everything? Why end it so coldly like I meant nothing to you?!” I was shouting and shaking. None of their so called explanation was giving me any kind of comfort or resolution.

  Rollins reached out and snagged my hand in his. “Our parents! Okay? Please… sit back down and let us continue. Please, El.”

  “Your parents?” It sounded like a bullshit excuse. What the hell did their parents have to do with it? They liked me. At least, I thought they had. They were always so nice to me and invited me to dinner with them on many occasions.

  “Sit and we can explain,” Luca said, his tone faltering as he swallowed. He was scared I was going to bolt. He was always so easy to read, and apparently I was too. Because bolting was exactly what I wanted to do.

  But I sat anyway. Only for selfish reasons. I wanted to hear the rest of the bullshit.

  “Thank you,” Rollins sighed. “Now, I know it sounds ridiculous, but they threatened us. They threatened the future we had both worked so hard to attain. The freedom we had been desperate for.”

  “How?” One word. That was all I could get out.

  “They were going to cut us off, give us absolutely nothing. Neither of us received any kind of scholarships and we were relying heavily on their money to see us through college. See, as nice as our parents appeared to the world, to us they were strict. Our schooling, our future was more important than anything else in the world. Even love.” Luca rubbed his hands down his face then looked sadly at his brother.

  “We had no idea, but they’d been planning to force the ultimatum on us the second they realized how in love we were with you,” Rollins continued for him. “To them, you were a distraction. And truth be told, you were. But in the best way possible. You held us back from nothing. You challenged us to be better. Better versions of ourselves. At first, we refused. We thought they were joking.”

  “But then they froze our accounts,” Luca jumped in. “Remember that night we went to that Indian restaurant and our cards got declined?”

  I nodded, once again not finding myself able to voice an answer. I avoided eye contact with them as well, instead focusing on the swirling dark liquid inside my mug. That was the last date night we had before they disappeared on me. Before everything fell apart. I ended up paying for us, not really minding taking the bill for a change. They never let me pay for anything and I was all too happy to buy food for the two men I loved more than anything. But then…

  “That’s when we realized they weren’t joking. We immediately dropped you off and went to tell them off,” Luca said angrily.

  “We ended up losing a war we had no idea had already started waging. It was a shouting match from hell for hours. We got nowhere. They refused to allow you to be with us while we went to college. But naturally, Luca and I decided in secret we’d pretend. We’d tell them we would break it off but still see you.”

  I remembered how things had grown a bit tense after that date night. They still showed affection toward me, but I could tell something had been on both of their minds. After the break up, I had chalked it up to them trying to decide how best to break up with me. Things were starting to become more clear.

  “Then why did you stop pretending and actually break up with me?” I couldn’t help how small I sounded. This was a lot heavier than I thought it would be. All those times they refused to bring me home with them. All the strained moments where they seemed to be looking over their shoulders. All those times I felt insecure like they no longer wanted me around their family. It was because of this?

  Luca stood and shattered the bubble of space I’d put between them by sitting next to me. He grabbed the coffee mug from my hands so he could grasp them gently in one of his, then he tapped the bottom of my chin with his finger, making me look up at him. I was ashamed when a tear fell down my cheek. I hadn’t even realized I’d started to cry.

  “They had us followed. Mom hired a PI to keep track of us. One night after we left your house, they were waiting with photos of us with you scattered all over the dining room table. They made threats again, only this time toward you. They said if we didn’t end it for good, they would do anything they felt necessary to make sure we were forced to. They threatened to get your scholarship taken away. They knew the dean and promised they’d have a lengthy chat with him about you to make sure you would be weighed down by unbelievable amounts of student debt just to work your way back into the school. Threatening us was one thing, but threatening you was what did us in. We wanted to protect you. We knew they would be watching us when we ended things, so we tried to make it as quick as possible. It’s why it felt so rushed to you. We weren’t trying to get away from you because we didn’t want to be there. We were trying to get away from you so we could get you back again as fast as possible. We figured at some point they’d give up following us and we could find you again and hopefully repair the damage we’d done.”

  Tears fell harder. Their parents were cold. So cold. How could I have been so blind to such coldness? I never thought it was possible for anyone’s parents to be so awful to their children.

  Rollins stood and came to my other side, taking one of my hands from Luca then wiping the tears from my cheeks with his other hand.

  “We thought we’d only have to wait a week or so once we got to campus before they left us alone. That we’d see you there and could patch things up the second they left us. But the PI followed us for five weeks, and you never showed up anywhere on campus. By the time he finally had gone and we’d heard you’d been accepted to a different college and had jumped on the offer, it was too late. We had no idea what college you had decided on, you changed your number, and you were gone. We looked everywhere, but the only person who knew where you were was Zoe and she denied us access to you.”

  Wait… “Zoe kn
ew you were looking for me?” I had never heard that before. She’d never breathed a word that she had spoken to them again after they had left me.

  “Yes,” Luca said sadly, squeezing my hand gently. “She made it very clear that we were to stay away. That we were the scum of the earth and didn’t deserve you. She was right. We didn’t deserve you. We wanted you to move on and be happy if that was what was best for you. If you would be happier away from the drama of our lives. So, we stopped trying. But we never stopped loving you, El.”

  “It wasn’t until after our first year of college we learned that we didn’t need our parents’ money for college at all. It had all been a bluff.” Rollins voice grew gravelly with unhindered rage. “We received our grandfather’s inheritance that we had no idea was coming to us. It was enough for the both of us to go to college ten times and still barely make a dent in the amount. It had all been a lie.”

  I broke down. Horrible sobs escaped me at the unfairness of it all. I had felt so alone for so long after they had gone away. I spoke to no one except Zoe my entire college life. I didn’t date because no one lived up to the love I had lost. I had been broken, then rebroken repeatedly as I relived every painful moment of the day they had left me. And it was all for nothing.

  That was a level of cruelty I couldn’t fathom ever doling out to someone. Ever.

  Luca and Rollins moved in closer to me on either side, allowing me to fall to pieces in their laps. I didn’t know how long I lay with my head in Rollins’ lap and my feet in Luca’s, both of them running their hands through my hair or rubbing my thigh soothingly. They both whispered how sorry they were, but the hurt cut me deep. So deep, I could barely breathe. I needed to let it out. Now, I needed to cry. I needed to let out the pain I’d held onto so tightly. I allowed the tears to fall for all the years spent being furious. It was the most cathartic moment for me, allowing myself to just let go.

  And when I finally felt myself calm and surface for air once again, I let go of that last bit of anger I’d grasped onto. What was done was done. It was as simple as that. Fate had intervened in my life and given me a second chance to explore what could have been with these two men. What we were robbed of. I needed to pick back up those pieces and move on.

  “I couldn’t be there,” I finally said, my voice scratchy. “After you left, I packed my bags and went to my second choice college. The design program wasn’t nearly as good, but it was good enough. Seeing either of you would have broken me all over again.”

  “We understand, El,” Luca said to me softly. “We can’t blame you for making that choice. It was ours for thinking not telling you would protect you from them, and for not telling our parents to shove their ultimatum up their asses.”

  I chuckled softly and pulled myself up into a seated position. Rollins leaned over and handed me a tissue from the box on the side table. I accepted it gratefully and wiped away the leftover tears lingering on my cheeks. “Sorry. I know I look like a mess right now. I hadn’t expected this to hit me so hard.”

  Rollins snorted. “Even red and puffy you’re still the sexiest thing we’ve ever seen.”

  To prove him wrong, I leaned over and grabbed a second tissue, then blew my nose in the most unladylike fashion. When I was sufficiently declogged, I smirked at him. “Still think so?”

  “You could’ve blown your nose with a dirty sock and the answer would still be the same,” Luca replied with a laugh.

  I nudged him with a smile. “Pft. Now you’re delusional. And a little gross,” I joked.

  “It made you smile though,” he rebutted.

  “Jokes aside,” Rollins added before making me turn to face him. He framed my poor, raw and puffy face with his large hands, rubbing his thumbs along my cheekbones. “We have every intention of making it up to you for what was done. We never meant to hurt you, El. And we’d do anything to start over, maybe get back to where we used to be?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know. So much has happened. I’m not sure if we’ll ever be there again.” His face fell. “But, starting over sounds like a good starting point.”

  His smile came back. He pulled my head toward him and kissed me gently on the forehead before releasing me. Luca turned me to him and did the same before pulling me into a hug. I released a breath of relief. I could handle starting over. I could handle taking this slow and seeing where it went. Nothing was stopping us from exploring what could have been. I just hoped my heart didn’t run away with me before I could catch up with it in the process.

  “So, how about we end the night with whatever the hell you slipped into your coffee?” Luca suddenly said, back to his cheerful, carefree self.

  I blushed. “Could you smell it on me? I didn’t think I put that much in it.”

  Rollins let out a deep laugh. “Sweetheart, you put enough that it doesn’t even smell like coffee anymore. Now, where is the bottle? Sharing is caring.”

  I chuckled and pointed to the kitchen, prompting Rollins to jump up from his seat and scout out the kitchen for the bottle. He came back with three shot glasses and the bottle of whiskey, then set it down on the table.

  “I think we all deserve a little bit of relief after tonight,” he said, pouring each of us a shot and handing them to us.

  “To new beginnings,” Luca suggested, raising his glass for a toast.

  “To new possibilities,” Rollins added.

  “To whiskey!” My toast wasn’t nearly as sentimental.

  They guys laughed and we all took our shots. “Nice one, El,” Luca laughed.

  “She still avoids sentiments like the plague. Good to see that hasn’t changed,” Rollins said jokingly.

  “Shut your face and pour us another,” I responded, shoving my glass back to him. “We have some catching up to do.”

  “Whatever you say.”

  I’d lost track of how many shots I’d taken or how long we all sat filling each other in on what our lives had been like the last eight years. I honestly couldn’t remember a lot of what they were telling me, because at some point I’d entered drunk city and gotten lost. I was having fun though.

  I had forgotten how funny Rollins could be. He had gotten drunk enough we convinced him to do his Al Pacino impression. Of course, since there were no guns currently available, he picked up Gus and had used him in place of the gun. Gus had thought it was fun as hell being moved around quickly as Rollins made shooting noises and Gus did his weird Mogwai noise that he did in response. Whiskey came flying out of my nose, which seemed to set Luca off even more.

  “I did that on purpose. Just in case you thought I was too perfect,” I said through my laughter, using a tissue to clean up the mess I’d made.

  “How many tells do we have to time you that you’re prefect,” Luca slurred adorably.

  I tightened my lips, trying my best not to laugh at how badly he’d just screwed up that sentence. But it came flying out of me anyway. “I have no idea what you just said.”

  “You’re still hot as shit,” Rollins replied instead as he let go of Gus and fell to his knees in front of me, obviously speaking fluent Drunk Luca. “Seriously, how is it possible that you got sexier, El?” he asked, taking my face into his hands much like he had earlier. Only this time, his eyes were lit with burning desire rather than a sweet softness.

  I felt my breath catch inside my chest.

  “Starting over is going to be so hard. It took forever for you to love us the first time,” he whispered, bringing himself even closer to me. His whiskey breath fluttered across my face, which was not only hot from the alcohol in my system, but the heat he brought to the surface with his closeness.

  “It took no time at all actually. I loved you both almost immediately,” I responded honestly. Somewhere in the back of my mind, sober me was probably yelling at me to shut my fucking mouth. Starting over would be hard, but it was the right way to go about this. Just friends. Nothing more.

  “Tell me to stop touching you. Tell me to move away from you and I will.” Rollins�
� husky voice glided over me as his lips hovered over mine.

  The words wouldn’t leave me though. I was being pulled further and further under by his burning touch and deep green eyes that promised all the pleasure in the world if I just let him. I couldn’t answer.

  It didn’t help when I felt Luca, who had fallen behind me with laughter, moved to sit himself extremely close to me. He was flush against me now, his chest pressed against my back. His hands slid gently, softly, up and down my arms. His breath fanned out, brushing the back of my neck and raising goosebumps.

  I knew I should tell them to stop. But as they pushed themselves closer, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. They felt soooo good on either side of me, cocooning me in their warmth.

  “Ella…” Luca breathed out in a tone barely loud enough to be called a whisper. “Tell us to stop.” His hands that had been on my arms moved up and pushed my hair over my shoulder. His mouth came down and pressed soft kisses along the column of my neck. “Tell us now. Please.”

  I moaned when his teeth scraped across my sensitive flesh just as Rollins’ hands slid down my chest, skimming over my breasts before sliding farther down and landing on my thighs. He squeezed them, massaging his thumbs along the inside of both, eliciting another moan.

  “I… I can’t. Don’t… don’t stop. Please.” Fuck. Why did their touch turn me into a mess of jumbled words and silent pleas? I couldn’t tell them to stop. My rational mind was taking a vacation. Desire flooded through me in rapid succession, chasing away any objections that would have surfaced.

  My consent seemed to be all they needed before they descended upon me. Rollins’ mouth slammed into mine and Luca’s hands that had been on my hips slid up beneath my shirt. I shook with desire. Desperate. Needing more.

  Rollins’ mouth was whiskey and fire, consuming my moans of pleasure. Luca’s hands danced along my skin, leaving a burning trail as they slipped beneath my bra and cupped my breasts. His mouth was everywhere along my shoulder and neck. Rollins had pushed between my legs, pressing his center right into mine. White hot tingles shot up through my body upon contact.